How it feels: Donor eggs and IVF

Over 3.5 million people in the UK are estimated to experience infertility, and 60,000 fertility treatments are administered each year. Our guest post comes from a Mother Sider who has been on an incredibly long and emotional journey to have children. After the  birth of her firstborn through IVF, and six subsequent failed IVF rounds to conceive a second child, she looked to donor eggs to help complete her family. Here’s her experience…

At last the puzzle is complete.

We were lucky to already have a beautiful boy (who was conceived on our 3rd cycle of IVF). We then had a further 3 cycles to have another child, but with no success. We were asked by many, including close friends and family members: “You already have one, why do you need another?”, “You’re lucky to have one, some don’t have any,” and “Some people choose to have one child…” Inside I was shouting, “Umm because we want more than one. Yes we’re lucky, but I haven’t chosen to have one, it’s just it’s not easy for me to have another!”

It was so frustrating, upsetting and in some ways worse not being fortunate enough to have a second as I knew what I was missing. I just wanted to have another baby and I would do anything to have a sibling for my son.

After our sixth cycle (and thousands of pounds spent) my husband said enough was enough. I was broken and he could see that and he didn’t know how to fix it. After each failed attempt I struggled more and it was hard to put a smile on my face and it was out of his control, he couldn’t make things better as he couldn’t make IVF work.

It is me with the infertility.

Firstly, I have a unicornuate uterus (half the size and shape of the normal uterus). Then it was discovered that I only had one ovary, and with this I had poor ovarian reserve. And, to top it off, I had immune issues so when we did get a good embryo my body killed it off….fantastic!

We decided to go down the adoption route and we were both very excited, although nervous about this, after all it would happen! Ha or maybe not, we have a child already so that made it more difficult for some reason?

After further discussions with myself (my husband didn’t want to talk IVF anymore) I booked us into a clinic abroad to discuss donor eggs. I told my husband he needed days off work to go away! He knew what I’d done and, although he came, he sat in the clinic waiting room and said, “You know I’ve not agreed to this!”. I said I knew but just talk and see what they can offer. Amazingly, he came out of the appointment and said let’s do it. He provided his part of the recipe, and we flew home for me to return just a week later to have the transfer of our last hope of a sibling for our boy.

It was the easiest round of IVF I’d ever done.

And two weeks later, I bled… But the test was positive!

It wasn’t an easy pregnancy (neither was the first) but we got to 36wks which was amazing. A fantastic surprise we had a baby boy, a sibling for our son everything was perfect.

Amazingly people we don’t know say how much my youngest looks just like me! I smile and say thank you. It may not be for everyone but both of my boys are 100% mine and I love them both to the moon and back. We are complete. I always said I wanted 3 children and yes, if the hubby said yes, I’d try again. But these two boys in my life make me so happy and, if I’m honest, tired at the end of most days!

Here are my tips for anyone trying to conceive, considering or undergoing  IVF/donor eggs:

  1. Fertility Friends is a Fantastic website/ forum were I found many like-minded people firstly for treatment using my own eggs with immune issues then for donor eggs abroad.
  2. I used this positive visualisation cd with every cycle, It obviously doesn’t make it work but it helped me relax during the 2 week wait between embryo transfer and the test day.
  3. Along with this I had weekly acupuncture with a specialist that is fertility trained. With pre and post transfer acupuncture sessions on the same day of embryo transfer. 
  4. Read Fertility and Conception, by Zita West. This book was my bible and I took so much advice from it and it has so much information about supplements and vitamins. I would advise good quality vitamins not just Pregnacare.
  5. This was the clinic we went to and there was a tv series about it on ITV in 2014 about a family who had used it with success. For more information about using donor eggs and options in the UK, too, contact the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority
  6. Finally don’t be scared to talk about it it’s amazing to find out how many of your friends are or have actually gone/ going through a similar journey to you. 

The Mother Side xx

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2 thoughts on “How it feels: Donor eggs and IVF

  1. Our little girl is from a donor egg. I was worried that I wouldn’t bond with her as well as I did with our first, who came from my own eggs, but it really hasn’t been an issue at all. I still grew her from scratch, she’s still got my blood in her veins, I still gave birth to her.

    We haven’t told any of our friends or relatives that she’s from a donor egg and we never plan to. Maybe we’ll tell her one day, who knows, it’s not anyone else’s business though.

    Mind you, it does bring a little smile to my face when people tell me how much she looks like me – I’ve even had relatives telling me she looks exactly like I did when I was her age…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Every time I tell someone how much their child looks like them from now on, I’ll be reminded of you 😊
      So pleased your journey had a happy ending. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Ms Anonymous.

      Like

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